I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
