is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
