Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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