I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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