So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
