True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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