and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
