The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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