It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
