I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
