Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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