i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
