Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
