I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
