We need to rekindle our bromance
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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