Christians are straight up FREAKS
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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