I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And then my night got REAL pukey
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
