i just had sex bonerless
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Holy sore nipples Batman
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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