half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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