Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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