did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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