Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
