Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
