We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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