i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
