a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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