i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
