im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
