So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
