why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
