I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
