She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
