she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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