I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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