Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
