Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
