did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
