Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
