why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
