You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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