Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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