This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
