If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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