Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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