i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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