well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
