My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
