I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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