she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
