OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
