I heard we made out
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
